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» Uncategorized Helluvablog

88 Seconds in a Galaxy Far, Far Away

November 28th, 2014 § 0 comments § permalink

Having watched the new Star Wars trailer, one thing I wish they would stop doing with the Star Wars universe is constantly trying to one-up the other films.
They do this in most aspects of the films – from the the pristine clothing and ludicrous costumes, lacking any of the thought and functionality of the outfits from the original, to the ever-present sci-fi tech. In fact, one of the many criticisms of the prequel travesties … er, I mean, films… was that the technology in the universe seemed to have taken leaps and bounds ahead from the original trilogy, despite the originals being set chronologically after the prequels.
I also noticed and lamented this, since one of the things I loved about the originals was that feeling of a lived-in world, with the same shabby, beaten-up, run-down and workaday stuff lying around as you’d find anywhere.
In most previous sci-fi, the cast, and indeed the directors, seemed to treat the sets and the props as things of wonder and awe. In the Star Wars universe, the people didn’t ignore the things around them, but neither did they revere them, and they were portrayed as neither miracle nor spectacle, just… things, things that people use every day – speeders, vaporators, astromech droids,spaceships, food mixers.
Luke’s landspeeder, for example – a wonder to us watching from the real world – was a piece of crap to all who saw it and was treated as such, in much the same way that an old Mark 3 Ford Escort would be a work of magic and wizardry to a 15th-century peasant, but is just… an old knacker to us, accustomed as we are to the million wonders of the modern world.
The prequels ruined that, that feeling of immunity to wonder that comes from being exposed to a thousand former miracles from the moment we wake up.
They reintroduced the prop-as-a-star, here’s-one-for-the-merchandise style of sci-fi set dressing and production design. Nothing was mundane, nothing beaten and ordinary, unless as part of a nod-nudge-wink in-joke.
It was thoughtlessly sleek, CGI ships that looked like they’d never been unwrapped, let alone flown through fire and smoke and war.
It was, in short, CGI tech-porn, and I would not have been surprised to find in the Making Of- out-takes a clip of George Lucas nursing a chubby while skulking round the ILM studios.
Now, if they’d have had an even half-way decent story none of this would matter and I would have still lapped it up and loved it. Pretty much the same goes for the new films.
You have a chronological excuse to upgrade stuff now, so there’s that, but I hope they at least try to keep that real-world-with-better-stuff feel.
But anyway, I digress.
As I was saying, it grieves me that the makers of the Star Wars films feel that they have to outdo themselves and each other in all aspects except storyline, and that each iteration of any aspect of the world must be better and shinier and faster than the last.
But I’m an adult (for the most part) so I can handle it.
Except for in one thing.


The light-sabre.
Stop fucking about with the light-sabres.
There’s still a year to go Mr Abrams – nip this in the bud. Change whatever else you like but leave the light-sabres alone.
Trying to make light-sabres more exciting not only completely loses sight of the explanation of them from the first film, it also ignores the fact that THEY ARE ALREADY COMPLETELY FUCKING AWESOME.
You cannot make them MORE awesome by adding extra bits or funny shaped handles to them.
Now we have a T-shaped one?? It was obviously designed and marketed by an eye-patch manufacturer. What other possible use could those silly extra side bits have?
Other than that, the Millenium Falcon is still the most beautiful thing that ever flew 🙂


Or, to sum up my last post…

December 24th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

A chemical diagram depicting Fear + Ignorance = Hate

image via


Safety Tips From Anubis!

August 6th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

Safety Tips From Anubis cartoon

via 665

Before it’s too late!

March 20th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink


A New Beginning – Talk To Me!

March 13th, 2010 § 5 comments § permalink

After much frustration I decided that Joomla!, while powerful and well supported, just didn’t work for Helluva.
My thoughts on how the site might grow were kind of scuppered by the meteoric rise of social networking sites like Twitter et al, leaving Helluvaforum with tumbleweed blowing through it and the rest of the site seeing spikes of traffic whenever a post goes up, and a steady stream of people viewing the tutorials and recipes.
So I decided that it was time to reverse direction and, instead of thinking about a Helluva Community site, revert to the simplicity of a personal website, where I can post articles, stuff that I find interesting around the internets, review hardware and software for whoever would like to read them, and share my knowledge of things like Photoshop etc.
Helluvablog is more sociable than before though – we have comments and everything! So please, feel free to comment on whatever you find here, ask questions, moan, whine and correct spellings but, most importantly, say hello, enjoy your stay and come back often.
Oh, and if you’re wondering how to comment, you can do so by clicking on the title of any post, or by clicking on the teeny-tiny number underneath the post title.

Loadsa stuff about me…

July 14th, 2004 § 0 comments § permalink

I wanted to get back into posting and the habits of talking about me and stuff around me so I thought I’d do one of those wanky questionnaires that people always e-mail you. Came out something like this…

  1. What was the last meaningful thing you did?
  2. What was your first love like?
    Painful, embarassing and one-sided
  3. What do you wish you could tell your parents?
  4. What is the one thing you would never do, no matter how much money was offered?
    Eat shit and die
  5. What are your favorite sounds?
    harmonies. tight female vocal harmonies.
  6. How do you “get over someone”?
    a period of hate, a period of acceptance and a new one.
  7. Do you like cartoons?
    Who would possibly answer no
  8. 8. Have you ever-contemplated suicide?
    Yes. I’ve also contemplated eating cat shit and flying to the moon in a carrier bag.
  9. How old were you when you gave/received your first kiss?
  10. How do you deal with anger?
    1.swear. 2. breathe deeply 3 swear again and hit something. 4.Fix broken thing 5. Shoot germans online.
  11. What is your opinion on bisexuality?
  12. In a perfect world, what would you be?
  13. How tall are you?
    Dunno – 5’7″ – 5’8″ish
  14. Do you ever feel invisible?
    Surely one would look invisible and not feel it.
  15. Would you be willing to go on Temptation Island?
    I’m single so… sure :0)
  16. Do you keep a journal?
  17. What is the most unusual gift you bought for somebody last Christmas?
    A book on Endangered Parrots
  18. Why do you fail?
    Who says I fail?
  19. Do you write snail mail to anyone or do you mostly email?
    E-mail. Haven’t written a letter in 16+ years
  20. How do you feel about pornography?
    It’s mostly shit but it serves a purpose and can be fun.
  21. What is heaven like?
    What is Santa Claus like?
  22. What do you have on your walls?
    Pictures, a Renoir Print, photos, cymbals, a tambourine, Indian (asian) wall hangings, L-plates, a frisbee, a hat, postcards a grip-strengthener concert tickets, flyers… I’ll stop there
  23. What is hell like?
    What is fairyland like?
  24. What is the most embarrassing CD in your collection?
    Brandi & Monica “The Boy Is Mine” – you don’t even want to know about my vinyl
  25. What is in your fridge right now?
    Stuff. Sauce. Hummous, salsa, milk, pitta bread oj… and porridge oats. Don’t ask why I keep them there, I just do.
  26. If you could talk to yourself as a five year old for five seconds, what would you say?
    Learn everything – suck your teachers dry.
  27. If Satan appeared to you right now, what would he say?
    “Hello, I’m Satan. And you thought I didn’t exist. MooHAHAHAHAHAH! Fear me.” etc
  28. What should people pay more attention to?
  29. Left handed or right?
    Left, of course.
  30. What about you would surprise other people?
    Most stuff. Scratch the surface a bit.
  31. What is your favorite poem?
    Scratch’d by a fall, with moans;
    As children of weak age,
    Lend life to dumb stones whereupon to vent their rage.
    And bend their little fists,
    And rate the senseless ground.
  32. What is a guilty pleasure you have?
    Pleasure is nothing to be guilty about. I like what I like.
  33. What book changed your life?
    Fist-Fucking By Numbers

So, that’s me I suppose.

Where you been boy?

April 9th, 2004 § 0 comments § permalink


That’s where I’ve been. I’ve been busy working, I’ve been busy having family shit and I’ve been busy having a mini nervous breakdown. Really busy.

Work has been eating my time, leaving little for anything else – a cascade of video projects with barely realistic deadlines, a website, an interactive CD-ROM and an electronic handbook.

I’ve had a bit of a social prolapse and my constant yeehaww lifestyle has come to an abrupt halt. Other than work, I’ve been out of the house twice in the last two months – even doing my shopping online – this Howard Hughes period is coming to an end now though. The only contact I’ve had with other people has been by phone, e-mail and Teamspeak. Been playing a lot of the BAFTA-winning Call of Duty online. I have even hired a dedicated server (along with five friends) and we now have up to 24 people at a time shooting each other’s faces off. At the moment I am trying to learn Regular Expressions so that I can administer the server properly – but that’s another story. I have a new housemate and a stoooopid dog – neither of which I ever seem to see, I’m older, fatter and more sober than I was. Two of these things will change in the future. One will continue. See if you can guess which.

Anyway, suffice to say that sorry it’s been a while, but I’m back and hope to get back to the original flavour of the Helluva Blog.

Happy New Year

January 1st, 2004 § 0 comments § permalink

Happy New Year. Here’s hoping that 2004 is better than 2003.

What the Hell are you doing here?

December 17th, 2003 § 0 comments § permalink

Well? SXC is back online! Go on, RUN.

Diverted Traffic…

December 15th, 2003 § 0 comments § permalink

Starting to feel like a local sports hall after an earthquake here…

Hello you poor, forlorn SXCers. Don’t look so lost. You’re amongst friends. There is a place you can go and get all that posting off your chest – just until SXC comes back online. It’s called the Helluva Forum and you might find that there are more familiar ‘faces’ there than you’d expect…

Come on in, have a cup of tea and a chat, relax. Everything will be fine…