Gym Madness

When your knees get fatter than the rest of your legs it's time to start eating the cakes again.
Conversely, when your arse is fatter than the rest of the world, something must be done.
So here I am, aching like buggery, slack-jawed with half-lidded eyes barely capable of staying open and it's only 9:15pm.
The reason for this bone weariness? Well this evening was my second post-work gym session after a good ten or twelve years without any exercise. Funny thing is, I remember the aching muscles from when I used to do martial arts and cycle a lot in the days before kebabs and lager, and it's not an unpleasant feeling. I've got that tiredness that comes from getting something done rather than the tiredness that comes from eating and drinking like it's a competition and, after years of being an aspiring insomniac I know that I'll get some quality sleeping done tonight.
Strange that this was supposed to be just a test post to see how this blogger site thing works but just look at my fingers go. Little bastards. So, onto the questions. This gym malarkey is quite new to me so a few things have me puzzled:-
1. Why are people so amazed that, after 30 minutes on an exercise bike in a room with a window the size of a letterbox, the fat guy is sweating like a fat guy that's just done 30 minutes on an exercise bike in a room with a window the size of a letterbox?
2. Why do so many people think it is a spectator sport?
3. Why do other fat blokes want to give me advice? I have a stolen personal trainer and a fitness program, don't you know.
4. Why are the pec machines made for people with really tiny chests? My chest isn't that big but I was batting myself in the tits with every rep. What happens when my pecs get bigger?
5. Given the amount of time you have to spend on them, why are the exercise bike seats so fucking uncomfortable?
6. I'm overwieght, on an exercise bike, red in the face, 20 minutes into a vigorous cardio-vascular session, sweat pouring down my face and panting so hard that I'm making noises like Scooby Doo - do you really think that this is a good time to start a conversation with me?
Anyway, no gym tomorrow due to doctors appointment but Friday looms on the horizon like a big achey thing.
Thanks for reading...